Letting Go
by Lady Saffir
Summary: Heero takes some of Zechs' advice to heart, causing Relena quite a bit of angst.
1. Letting Go

Letting Go  
  
  
By Lady Saffir  
  
Rating: G  
  
DISCLAIMER:me no own...  
  
  
"I hate and love: why I do so you may well ask. I do not know, but I feel it happen and am in agony."   
  
"Man's love is of man's life a thing apart, 'Tis woman's whole existence."  
  
"To live is like to love - all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct is for it."  
  
Dedication: As always, Boo-chan, you play the muse...  
  
  
***************************************************  
  
  
  
Relena sighed, puzzling through their last encounter. The day had started off all right, her various meetings running smoothly. In fact, she had felt incredibly good coming out of her last meeting. Everyone had co-operated with each other, the weather had changed for the better, the sun peeking from behind the clouds to warm the crisp fall air, and it was almost the weekend. Now the only thing left to do was to wait for Heero to get back from work.  
  
Taking the steps two at a time up to her room, Relena stripped as she went, ready to change into casual clothes by the time she reached her bedroom. Pulling her hair back in a loose pony-tail, she wandered aimlessly about the large room, gently brushing her fingers against various objects. The picture of Heero and her, the stuffed bear that squeaked, 'I think I love you,' when you squeezed its stomach, and other knick-knacks that were somehow important to her.  
  
Flopping down on the bed, Relena pulled the bear that Heero had given her close, inhaling the faint 'Heero scent' that clung to it. Affectionately named Baldy, due to the patch of worn fur at the top of his head, Baldy was Relena's most trusted confidant. Countless secrets, hopes, dreams, and tears had been shared, and the small bear was probably the closest thing to a comfort toy that Relena had ever owned.  
  
Glancing at the clock, Relena frowned. It was all ready seven thirty; Heero was usually here by now. 'Perhaps he was delayed at work, or maybe he and Duo went to grab something to eat,' Relena thought, dismissing any dark thoughts that tried to break through. Firmly ridding herself of these notions, she picked up her favorite book, intent on finishing it once more.   
  
Relena was so engrossed in the storyline that she didn't even register the bedroom door opening until Heero closed it with a loud 'click'. About to give a cheerful greeting, she had to pause at the expression on his face.   
  
Or lack of. Heero was once more wearing his 'Perfect Soldier' mask, allowing no emotion to show through. Which was a fairly good indication that he wasn't in the best of moods.  
  
"Is something the matter, Heero?" Relena asked, hoping to draw him into conversation. If she could get him talking the problem would eventually surface...IF she could get him to talk.   
  
With a mute shake of his head, Heero continued across the room, settling on the edge of the bed.  
  
Sitting up, Relena eyed the tense muscles standing out on his neck. Trying to loosen him up, she began to gently massage his back in the hopes of getting him to talk. She was used to his silences, but still...it wasn't good for the soul, or the mind, to bottle up every emotion. Every once in a while all of them, including the bad ones, had to be let out to air. Otherwise they kept building in intensity until they erupted.  
  
Relena had seen the result of Heero doing just that. It hadn't been a pretty sight.  
  
"Would you like a backrub?"  
  
Heero gave a short jerk of his head, rising to pace about the room. Watching him for several minutes, Relena tilted her head to the side in contemplation. Whatever it was, Heero was wound tight as one of Quatra's violin strings. On the heels of that thought came the disquieting reminder that every now and then those same strings snapped from the tautness that they were held at, ruining what had once been a beautiful melody.  
  
Once more banishing the dark thoughts, Relena watched as Heero settled at her computer. Wincing at the idea of having to replace yet another keyboard, she sighed, then decided to let him work out his frustration through the computer. Maybe then he would be in the mood to discuss whatever was bothering him.  
  
Relena turned back to her book, but now it had lost its appeal. In the end, the Princess found her Prince, the evil was banished, and everyone lived happily ever after. Relena had a feeling that wasn't going to be the case in this instance.  
  
Sighing, she placed the book back on the nightstand, crossing over to where Heero was seated. Kneeling at his side, she placed one hand on his back, the other one his knee, leaning forward until she blocked his vision.  
  
"Hello? Anybody in there?" She questioned softly, trying to draw a smile, a smirk, something, from the quiet man.  
  
She received a frown. Not his full-blown Death Glare, but still...it hurt.  
  
Abruptly rising, Heero turned to face her, not meeting her questioning eyes.  
  
"I think I should go now," he muttered.  
  
They stood in uneasy silence for several minutes, each unwilling to make the first move. Finally, Relena couldn't take it any longer.  
  
Crossing to his side, she placed gentle hand on his arm, her right arm finding a resting place above his heart. The silence was killing her. One way or another, she had to find out what was wrong.  
  
"Heero, whatever it is...let me know if I can help," she ventured softly, strangly hesitant to lay her head against him. It almost felt like he was putting off 'Don't touch me' vibes.  
  
Looking up, Relena found Heero staring at her, a strange expression crossing his features. Opening his mouth to speak, he chose his words carefully.  
  
"Perhaps Zechs was right."  
  
"What?"  
  
Heero sighed, shaking his head.   
  
"Nevermind. Perhaps I...nevermind."  
  
Moving in front of him, she blocked his progress to the door.  
  
"You aren't leaving until you tell me," Relena said, trying to draw a smile.  
  
Totally lost when Heero moved several steps away, Relena thought back. 'Perhaps Zechs was right'? What does...oh no...'  
  
"Do you mean when he said that it wouldn't work between us? That you would drag me down with you?" She pressed, taking a half-step towards Heero.  
  
Looking everywhere but at Relena, Heero ran his fingers through his unruly hair, before replying,  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Well, now it all made sense...in a way...  
  
"Ah, Heero, he was angry when he said that. He didn't mean it."  
  
Heero suddenly moved, grasping her by the forearms.  
  
"But what if he's right? What if I'm stopping you from finding someone? What if you're meant to be with someone that knows what he's doing in the political world, someone that understands what being noble means? I...I don't..."  
  
Relena looked up with sudden understanding in her eyes.  
  
"Are you saying that you...want to stop seeing me?" She asked softly, determined, against all odds, not to cry. It was a weakness, one that she couldn't show him. She was NOT some sniveling little rich girl, she would NOT beg him to reconsider...she would NOT cry.  
  
Heero let out a breath.  
  
"So you feel the same way?"  
  
Relena looked up into his blue eyes, trying to get her point across.  
  
"No! I'm just trying to figure out what's bothering you. I want you..." Relena sighed in defeat. "I want you to be happy," she finished quietly, never breaking eye contact.  
  
They stood in silence once more, each trying to find the words that would help ease the other.  
  
Heero finally broke the silence.  
  
"Look...I'm not sure...I mean, I don't know...I just...I feel like I'm holding you back!" He spat out, earnestly hoping to make Relena understand what he was doing. He wanted to give her an easy out, so that she wouldn't feel obligated to stay with him. She deserved better.  
  
Relena, in the mean time, was fighting the urge to either laugh or cry. It was touching that he wanted what was best for her...but he was what she wanted. He made her feel like her life wasn't useless, like someone out there actually cared what really went on inside her head. Her friends, her family...no one understood her as well as he did. He knew when she was unhappy, no matter what she said. He knew when a hug was needed, when a dose of silliness, or a touching gesture, would help her get through the day.  
  
"I...see," Relena said, although her tone clearly indicated that she didn't.  
  
Heero sighed once more before continuing.  
  
"I'm not even sure that's what I really mean. Please...just give me time?" He asked, waiting for her agreement. It came, in the form of a silent nod.  
  
Deciding to leave, Heero paused at Relena's side, slipping one arm about her waist.  
  
"It will be all right," he whispered, giving her a half-hug, before lightly running one finger up her incredibly ticklish side. Pausing by the door, he turned to give her a slight smile and a soft good-bye.   
  
Relena silently counted to fifty, giving Heero time to descend the stairs. She refused to give in to her tears while he could still hear. She would not be weak...  
  
The tears, ever uncaring of what her mind thought, rushed forward, threatening to obscure her vision. Glaring at the door before her, Relena tried in vain to stop the flood of tears before giving in.  
  
With a sob, Relena opened the door, flying down the hallway to Noin's study. Perhaps Noin could pick up the pieces of her broken heart and put them back. Heavens knew that Relena would never be able to do that.   
  
***********************************  
  
*sniff, sniff* Please let me know what you think...this story means a lot to me...


	2. Understanding

Understanding  
  
By Lady Saffir  
  
Rating: PG  
  
"Hell, madam, is to love no more." Georges Bernanos  
  
DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately, the chances of me EVER owning GW, or any part of that franchise, is INCREDIBLY small. So let's just say that I own the storyline and leave it at that.  
  
  
*********************************************************  
  
  
Relena sniffled, trying once again to stop the flood of tears. In the twenty minutes since Heero had left, she had cried, ranted about foolish men, and used up an entire box of tissues. It looked to be a promising night.  
  
Noin sighed, lapsing into silence. When Relena had frantically burst into her study, she had feared the worst. Unable to get a coherent sentence from her friend, her anxiety and fear had risen, until Relena had managed to croak out one word.  
  
"...*sniff* Heero...*sniff*"  
  
That had dropped all of the puzzle pieces into place. She thought that Heero had been acting weird earlier this week. Noin had simply brushed his behavior off as simple 'Heero-isms', but now that she thought about it...  
  
Sighing again, Noin tried once more to draw the younger woman into conversation. So far she had found out that she and Heero had argued, or at least had some major disagreement.   
  
"Relena, you think you can tell me what happened now?"  
  
Sniffling, Relena nodded, then began the tale.  
  
"He came over, and he was acting really weird. So finally I got him to talk about it right *sniff* before he left. I couldn't figure out what he *sniff* was talking about, until I remembered what *sniff* Milliardo had said."  
  
Relena stopped as fresh tears sprang up, sending her groping for a tissue. She hated crying; it made her feel so helpless.  
  
"And?" Noin prompted gently, rubbing one hand up and down Relena's back.   
  
"And he...he said that..that he might wanna break up with me!"  
  
Noin couldn't help it, she had to sigh again.  
  
"Relena...you've known all along that Heero comes and goes as he pleases. Perhaps this is simply his way of letting you know that he wants to go wandering again..." Noin trailed off as Relena shook her head.  
  
"No. This...this was dif...different."  
  
"How so?"  
  
Relena thought for a moment, swiping at her eyes in an effort to stop the tears from falling.  
  
"It sounded...final."  
  
"Oh," was the only thing Noin could say as Relena once more burst into tears.  
  
**********************************  
  
  
Once more looking at the calendar, Relena tried to stifle a sigh. Three days had passed since Heero had asked her to give him 'time', and in those three days the knot in her stomach had grown larger.   
  
It was to the point now that food held no interest for her. True, she went through the motions of trying to eat, but whenever a stray thought or memory triggered an image of Heero, Relena would have to stop eating, for fear of being sick.  
  
Throwing down her pen in disgust, Relena vowed to herself to have the issue resolved tonight. A banquet was being held to honor some important official (funny, she could have sworn that her memory was better than this...) and Heero was required to attend as a Preventer.  
  
Relena gave a sharp nod of her head. Whatever was going on would be settled, one way or another, tonight.  
  
*************************************  
  
  
Checking the mirror for confirmation, Relena had to admit that she looked better than usual. A judicious application of make-up had concealed the dark area underneath her eyes, while the foundation gave the appearance of flawless skin. Her eye make-up was a mixture of browns and tans, designed to make her eyes appear brighter. Her dress, a small black number, had never been worn before, but Relena had to admit that she liked it. Clingy in the right areas, it flowed smoothly down her body to end in a puddle at her feet.   
  
Let Heero think about what he was wanting to throw away. She'd show him exactly what she was capable of doing - and that was looking drop dead gorgeous.  
  
*****************************************  
  
  
Anxiously scanning the crowd for a sight of Heero, Relena tried to maintain a civil conversation with the young man beside her. A young man, this was his first important function that he was attending with the 'higher ups'. And unfortunately, he seemed determined to get Relena to notice him.  
  
Which he was. Relena just wasn't sure if he was going to enjoy his new assignment as ambassador to the Eskimos in North America.  
  
Freeing herself of the young man's clutches, Relena mingled with other diplomats, occasionally stopping to talk to acquaintances from work. Looking up from a conversation with a junior Preventer, Relena froze as she caught sight of Heero from the corner of her eye. Politely excusing herself, she hurried through the crowd, trying to maintain sight of the elusive man.  
  
Standing off to the side, Heero appeared to be slightly surprised at her sudden appearance. Wrongly interpreting the look he sent her, Relena felt her heart leap. Normally that look was reserved for when she didn't believe in him - a slight quirk of the eyebrows that conveyed his disbelief at her lack of trust. Perhaps he hadn't meant it at all.  
  
Then again, maybe he had. About to take his arm, Relena sensed the 'Don't touch me' vibes he was putting off. Hesitantly smiling up at him, she frantically searched for neutral ground.  
  
"Are you enjoying the party?"  
  
Heero looked at her, then gave a slight shrug.  
  
"There've been better."  
  
"True, true."  
  
The couple stood in strained silence for a moment, before Relena gathered her courage up. She had never had a problem talking to Heero - why was this any different?  
  
'Perhaps because you don't know where you stand, relationship wise?' A voice whispered in the back of her mind.  
  
"Heero, I...I do not wish to appear dense, but please...what did you mean when we last talked?" Relena held her breath, hoping against what her heart was telling her. Last night she had dreamed that Heero was pulling away from her, leaving her floundering alone in the dark. She had awoke with a sense of finality - as if everything had been settled, and now she was only awaiting the news. She didn't care much for the sensation.  
  
"Relena," Heero sighed, giving her a look that she knew meant he hated having to spell things out for her. "When I said 'give me time', I meant that we shouldn't see each other for a while. It would be better this way; you shouldn't depend on me - I've let you down in the past, remember? Perhaps you need to figure things out for yourself as well."  
  
"But I still want to talk to you," he hurried on, seeing her on the verge of protesting. "I enjoy your company; but perhaps we need to see if what we really want is each other."  
  
Relena nodded numbly at his words. Only friends? She didn't know if she could handle that again. True, they had started out as friends, then gradually moved to the couple stage; but still...  
  
"I...see."  
  
Heero gave her a searching look, finally shaking his head. He had expected anger, the hurt look that sometimes crossed her face, denial - but not this. Not this quiet acceptance of his announcement. It made him wonder if it had truly sunk in.  
  
For some reason, Heero felt the need to make small talk with Relena. Perhaps if he could get her talking, she would finally open up, and react somehow.  
  
"How's the newest treaty coming along?"  
  
Relena's head snapped back to look at Heero's face. Since his speech, she had been staring blindly off into the distance, unaware of her surroundings. It just didn't seem possible that Heero truly meant what he said.  
  
"Hmm? Oh, the treaty...yes, well, it's coming along fine. Although the older delegates still treat me like an ignorant little girl, most of them are helping me. May I ask what brought this sudden change of feelings about?" Relena asked, not stopping for a breath.  
  
It was Heero's turn to look surprised. That calm mask was still in place, making Heero suspicious of her motives.  
  
"I thought it would be best for you," he offered up.  
  
"Hmm...I see."  
  
Argh! Would the woman stop saying that! It was beginning to make Heero wonder just how much she did 'see'.  
  
"Has Duo done anymore outrageous things in the office?"  
  
"No, not really. Not since Wufei loaded his desk full scissors...he's been pretty quiet since then."  
  
And so they spent almost an entire hour, calmly and politely discussing events in their lives, acting for all the world as if they were two people that he just met.  
  
****************************************  
  
  
Dear god, were they trying to make her cry?! So far every single person that knew she and Heero had been seeing each other had inquired after him. And each time Relena had been unsure as to how to answer. If she outright told everyone, then she would have to deal with the sympathy looks and speeches - especially the one that went, "Don't worry about him! You're young, you have your entire life ahead of you. If he doesn't know what he's throwing away, then he's just not worth it. Besides, this might be for the best.'  
  
Relena had always hated that speech. She had a feeling she would be really hating it in the near future.  
  
********************************  
  
  
Sighing in relief, Relena slipped into the house, the polite mask slipping from her face. The party had lasted into the early hours of the morning, and to Relena, each seemed a personal hell. But, now with only her brother and Noin to see her, perhaps she could finally vent her frustrations at life.  
  
Plopping down on the couch, Relena drew her knees up to her chin, having changed from that horrid dress into her nightclothes the instant she was able to. Staring mindlessly into the night, her thoughts continued to pattern of, 'why Heero? what did I do? is this just a phase? please god, please just be a phase! I need you, Heero...'  
  
Watching from the doorway, Zechs watched as his baby sister blinked back tears. While he wanted to pound the younger man for hurting Relena, Zechs wasn't entirely sure this new 'friendship' wouldn't be a bad thing. Relena had spent three years now with only the Gundam Pilots for close friends. She needed someone that could just offer a shoulder to cry on - not offer the option of blowing up something to release tension.  
  
Sitting down beside the quiet woman, brother and sister sat in silence for a few moments.   
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Zechs offered, rubbing one hand across Relena's back. His hand stilled when he caught sight of Relena's upturned face. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears, but curiously, no discernable expression could be found there. It was as if Relena had simply shut down her personality, letting her body run as it would.  
  
"It just hurts, you know? I mean, I've known him for so long, you think that I'd mean something more than just a friend - wouldn't you?"  
  
Zechs thought for a moment, unsure how to respond. He desperately wanted to point out that she was friends with several other guys, but he had a feeling she didn't want to hear that.  
  
"Would it help if I broke both of his legs?" He offered in jest, trying to get her to smile. It worked, partially.  
  
  
"No. He'd just sent them himself and go. You'd have to break more than that." Relena sighed, trying to appreciate the effort Milliardo was putting forth.  
  
"So I have permission to break more than his legs? I'll set to work right away."  
  
Relena had to laugh at that. Swatting at her brother, she offered him a smile that was a bit closer to her real one. Standing, she crossed to the doorway, pausing to look back.  
  
"I'll be fine. I promise. I just...need time, alright?"  
  
Zechs nodded, then tried one last effort to cheer his sister up.  
  
"Don't forget what they say about love. If you let it go and it returns, it was meant to be. If it doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be. Think about that, ok?"  
  
Relena graced him with a sad smile.  
  
"I'll try."  
  
Zechs breathed a sigh of relief. She was taking this quite well. At least, he thought she was, until her parting comment reached his ears from the stairway.  
  
"It still doesn't stop my heart from hurting."  
  
************************************  
  



	3. Default Chapter

  
Acceptance  
  
  
By Lady Saffir  
  
Rating: PG  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Gundam Wing or the song (and I can't BELIEVE I'm using this song, but it got stuck in my head....)  
  
  
Quote: "I have wanted only one thing to make me happy, but wanting that have wanted everything." William Hazlitt  
  
****************************************************  
  
  
Staring at the calendar, Relena gave a small sigh. One week. One week, an entire week, had passed since Heero had spelled out his feelings to her. And contrary to what everyone kept telling her, the pain did NOT get any easier with time...although Relena suspected they meant 'time' in terms of months or years, not weeks.   
  
As always, the continuous litany of 'why?', followed by the very lengthy list of her faults, ran through the back of her mind. Giving up entirely on trying to work, Relena allowed herself once more to focus on her mental list.   
  
First and foremost - her looks. Granted, when she took the time to style her hair, apply make-up, and try to dress decently, she knew that some would consider her 'pretty'. However, when she simply threw her hair into a sloppy ponytail and dressed in whatever has handy, her looks wouldn't quite warrant a lot of male attention.  
  
Stopping in mid-thought, Relena suddenly experienced a flash of insight. The damn man had gotten tired of seeing her in whatever. True, after a day of work, the only thing she wanted to do was crash, but still...the effort should have been made to at least OCCASIONALLY surprise him. Well, she would show him exactly what happened when Relena Darlian-Peacecraft was pissed off.  
  
She made sure you regretted every moment of it.  
  
That settled, Relena slammed the notebook containing grant proposals shut, determined to have fun for once. Picking up the phone, she quickly punched Noin's personal number, impatiently tapping her foot. When it was answered, Relena came straight to the point.  
  
"Noin? Remember how we were just going to have lunch? Well, cancel your afternoon plans - we're going shopping."  
  
  
  
  
Noin could only shake her head in amazement. After treating themselves to an expensive lunch, the two women had proceeded to hit every major store and shopping area within an hour's distance. Lunch had begun around 12:30. It was now eleven o'clock at night.  
  
"Relena? Have you found anything yet?"  
  
A burst of muffled words were her only answer, as Relena struggled to pull on the sweater that had caught her eye.  
  
Shifting her weight to her other foot, Noin was about to bang on the door, when it suddenly opened.  
  
There, standing in tight black pants, a form-fitting dark silver sweater clinging to her body, Relena stood, smirking at the expression on her friend's face.   
  
"Well? What do you think?"  
  
Noin took a moment to take in the entire outfit. Along with the pants and sweater, a pair of four-inch high boots added to the effect of Relena having extremely long legs. The bright silver jewelry Relena had picked stood in sharp contrast to the dark outfit, accenting her slim neck and wrists.  
  
"All I can say is..wow. What prompted this sudden urge to dress differently?"  
  
Relena flashed a brilliant smile.  
  
"Wow? Exactly the reaction I was looking for. What would Milliardo say?"  
  
Noin didn't even have to think about that one.  
  
"He would forbid you to wear that in public."  
  
"Perfect."  
  
  
************************************  
  
  
It was a frantic Noin that contacted Duo two days later. Fumbling for the phone, Duo tried to keep the incessant ringing from bothering Hilde. The only reason he was still up was because he and Heero were kicking back, enjoying their beers and a late night soccer game.   
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Duo, have you seen Heero? We need to find him right away - Relena's gone."  
  
At that, Heero was up and out of his seat, shoving Duo away from the vid-phone.  
  
"What did you say?" he growled, the alcohol induced fog clearing from his brain.  
  
*************************************  
  
  
With a screech, Heero's motorbike came to a stop before the main doors of the Peacecraft mansion. Staggering away from the bike, Duo turned to glare at Heero.  
  
"Do you drive like that all the time? 'Cause man, if you do, you have the biggest deathwish I've ever seen," Duo wheezed, trying to draw a deep breath. He was pretty sure that he had been holding his breath since they left his house. Rollercoasters he liked - riding behind a crazed Heero Yuy who didn't understand the concept of a speed limit he didn't.  
  
Heero simply glared as they entered the Peacecraft mansion.   
  
  
  
  
Silently reading the note Relena left, Heero had to resist the urge to strangle their wayward princess when they found her.   
  
  
  
  
Milliardo,  
  
  
I'm going out for the evening with two close friends. I'll be back by morning.   
  
  
Relena  
  
  
PS - Do not even THINK about sending someone (read: Heero Yuy) looking for me. I am perfectly capable of watching out for myself.   
  
***************************************  
  
  
Stepping inside the crowded room, Duo whistled appreciatively.  
  
"Man, this is one awesome club - I didn't know Relena even knew this kind of place existed."  
  
Heero merely grunted, taking in their surroundings. The walls were done in a thick material, that when touched, turned out to be vellum. Painted haphazardly across the walls were large silver roses that caught and reflected light. The few tables scattered about the room were draped with black crushed velvet table clothes, a vase containing a single red rose adorning the tabletop.  
  
Stepping onto the dance floor to look for Relena, Heero found the reason the club was called the Black Rose. The floor design was a single black rose, stretching from one end of the dance area to the other, trapped beneath a sheet of glass. Large thorns branched off from the main stem, the bright green leaves, full of life, contrasting with the death that was symbolized by the unfurled bud.  
  
The wild music was coming to a close when Duo suddenly pointed across the room. Looking through the mass of people, Heero was able to see what had caught his eye. A young woman, wearing clothes that clung to every curve like a second skin, was dancing with abandon, her long, honeyed locks of hair twisting and whirling about her face as she moved her head in time with the music.  
  
Looking past her partner's shoulder, Relena froze for a moment, her eyes widening in surprise, then narrowing to slits as she glared her displeasure. Tapping the still dancing man on the shoulder, she whispered into his ear before turning away.  
  
Straining, Heero was barely able to make out that she was headed for the DJ. The two heads bent in conference for a few minutes before the man behind the table straightened, giving Relena a large smile and a pat on the shoulder.  
  
Returning to her still unidentified partner, Relena took a moment to toss a glare in Heero's direction. Flipping her hair behind her, she began to dance in earnest when the new song began.  
  
  
  
  
Hush, just stop   
There's nothing you can do or say, baby   
I've had enough   
I'm not your property as from today, baby   
You might think that I won't make it on my own   
But now I'm   
  
Stronger than yesterday   
Now it's nothing but my way   
My loneliness ain't killing me no more   
I'm stronger   
  
  
Duo grinned, talking loud enough to be heard over the blaring music.   
  
"I think 'Jousan's trying to tell you something there, Heero," he teased, earning him the patented 'Death Glare'.  
  
  
That I ever thought that I could be, baby   
I used to go with the flow   
Didn't really care 'bout me   
You might think that I can't take it, but you're wrong   
'Cause now I'm  
  
Stronger than yesterday   
Now it's nothing but my way   
My loneliness ain't killing me no more   
I'm stronger   
  
Come on, now   
Oh, yeah   
  
Here I go, on my own   
I don't need nobody, better off alone   
Here I go, on my own now   
I don't need nobody, not anybody   
Here I go, alright, here I go   
  
Stronger than yesterday   
Now it's nothing but my way   
My loneliness ain't killing me no more   
I'm stronger   
  
  
As the song finished, Heero shoved his way through the twisting, sweating mass of dancers. Relena belatedly noticing him right before he grabbed her dancing partner, swinging the man around to face him.  
  
"Hey, hey! - I'm tryin' to dance here with this vision of loveliness, if you don't mind," the man said, holding his hands up in an effort to placate the sudden disturbance.  
  
"And now you're done. We need to talk."  
  
About to pull the protesting man through the crowd, Heero Yuy found himself face to face with an extremely ticked off Relena Peacecraft. The two simply stared at each other, before Heero went to brush past her, ignoring her silent protest.  
  
At the same time that Relena went to pull Heero back, another person interfered, causing Relena to turn. About to give the person a piece of her mind, she stopped when her eyes met those of a grim Duo.  
  
"Go wait at the bar for us, Relena. I'll make sure he doesn't pound the guy into the pavement."  
  
With that he gave her a little push in the direction of the bar, stalking off to trail behind Heero.  
  
Barely restraining her anger, Relena stalked off to the bar, plopping down on a barstool next to her other companion. Silently he pushed a drink in her direction, draining his beer as he waited for her to speak her mind.  
  
"Thanks, Trowa. Glad to know SOMEONE around here understands the fact that I'm human."  
  
Signaling for another beer, Trowa favored her with a half smile, causing her to look first to him, then down into the depths of her drink.  
  
"You've been watering my drinks down again, haven't you?"  
  
Trowa shrugged.  
  
"I don't mind taking you out every now and then, and I don't mind buying your drinks for you. You'll forgive me though if I keep in mind what happened last time I let you get plastered."  
  
Relena thought for a moment, tossing back the remains of her drink in the process. Her own alcoholic fog had instantly disappeared at the sight of Heero and Duo, leaving her in a bad mood.  
  
"No, I guess I can't blame you. However," and here she slammed her glass down to emphasize her point. "However, I CAN blame my brother for demanding Heero to find me, and most certainly I can blame Heero for not telling my brother what to do with his orders."  
  
"Then tell him."  
  
The simple suggestion stopped Relena in mid-thought.   
  
"Tell him?"  
  
Trowa nodded. "Go outside and give Heero a piece of your mind. You've been bottling your emotions up these past few days - it's time to let them out."  
  
The idea was so appealing, the more Relena considered, the stronger the urge was to see the look on Heero Yuy's face when she told him off. Turning to track Heero down, she stopped, then turned back, snaking an arm out to grab hold of Trowa's wrist.   
  
"You mind playing bodyguard for a bit?"  
  
Her question prompted Trowa to giver her one of his rare smiles.  
  
"Not at all," he replied, finishing off his drink in one long swallow, "not at all."  
  
***********************************  
  
  
Meanwhile, Duo was having a hard time keeping Heero from hurting the poor fool that had been dancing with Relena. His patience, never high to begin with, was wearing dangerously low, the urge to ring both men's necks and leave them there quite strong. About to insist that Heero just drop the questioning, the man's next statement gained both their attentions.  
  
"Look, all right, I know that she's really Relena Peacecraft. She calls herself Lena when we go out though."  
  
"What did you say?" Heero growled, pulling the man up by his collar.  
  
Duo sighed, then forced Heero back a few steps. It wouldn't do for their 'friend' to get all mashed up over a trivial statement. He turned to frown at the still un-named man.  
  
"When you go out? How often have you been with Relena? And what's your name, anyway? I'm getting tired of 'hey you'."  
  
Taking a cautious step back, the young man in question ran a hand through his hair, eyeing Heero warily as he spoke.  
  
"My name's Evan, and I've only gone clubbing with her a coupla times. We usually go out whenever she comes to visit Trowa." At the surprised looks on the two Preventer's faces, he pressed forward.  
  
"Yeah, you mean you didn't know? I work with Trowa in the circus - sometimes Lena stops by, and we go out somewhere. This is her favorite place to come. And since we're underage, Trowa buys our drinks for us...but he always watches how much she drinks!" Evan added, sensing a blow was about to be delivered, courtesy of Heero's fist.  
  
Indeed, Heero was pulling back to deliver the first blow of the night when someone grabbed his fist. Whirling, the sight of Trowa standing there upped the anger level.  
  
Taking a step forward, Heero suddenly found Relena in his path, a glare to rival his own on her face.  
  
"Move."  
  
"No."  
  
Surprised, Heero looked down, not expecting resistance.   
  
"What did you say?" he asked incredulously.  
  
Anger flared to life across Relena's features, her eyes narrowing with displeasure.  
  
"We are going to talk here and now, Heero, whether you like it or not. It's about time someone brought you back down to earth."  
  
Trowa, Evan, and Duo were promptly forgotten as Heero tried to figure out what had Relena all riled up.   
  
"I think I'm a pretty grounded person, Relena. I don't harbor any foolish notions about life. I understand the fact that if I go somewhere, I need to let people know in advance."  
  
The implied insult that she did have foolish notions set Relena's blood to boiling. In a move that surprised both of them, she grabbed the front of his shirt, slamming him back against the brick wall of the building.  
  
"Now you listen to me," she hissed, face inches away from his own. "I have certain rights as a human being, one of which is the right to have friends that YOU don't know about. I am also allowed to hang out with those friends whenever I have time. And I most certainly do NOT have to report my every move and plan as if I were an eleven year old child!"  
  
Taken aback, Heero actually tried to hear the words she spoke, but the anger in her voice was the only thing he could hear. Try as he might, his own anger level rose another degree; Relena had always been able to get underneath his skin and hit a nerve, especially now that he acted on those emotions.  
  
"No, you listen to me!" he said, pushing back. "I understand that you want to have something of a normal life, but you are the one that chose to become Vice Foreign Minister, and with that job comes a lot of responsibility, one of which letting the people that are supposed to protect you know when you plan on doing something stupid like going to a club in the early hours of the morning! How am I supposed to protect you if I don't know where you are?! Damnit, it's my job to make sure you live from day to day! I'm sorry if you're mad at me for leaving you, but that doesn't mean you have the right to cause everyone around you unnecessary grief!"  
  
Relena stepped back, looking as if Heero had just slapped her. Her anger subsided, the heat that had been in her eyes fading away, leaving the once bright and fiery eyes dull and lifeless. A fine trembling began in her limbs, climbing to reach her face.  
  
Taking another step back, the glow from a street light caught her face, highlighting the unshed tears that sparkled in her eyes. Her mouth worked soundlessly, her eyebrows knitting together in puzzlement.  
  
Or perhaps her eyebrows were drawn together in anger, Duo mused, as he watched Relena step forward, draw back her right fist, and let the best right hook he'd ever seen fly straight for Heero's unsuspecting face.  
  
Caught unawares, Heero's head snapped backward from the force of the blow, the skin crimsoning as a bruise began to form immediately.  
He looked at her in astonishment.  
  
"What the hell was that for?!"  
  
Relena stepped back, all of her anger and pent up frustration gone with that question.  
  
"Was that all I ever was to you, Heero? Another mission that hit too close to home? Is that why you tossed me away, left me to wonder what went wrong?" She continued, giving a hiccuping sob as her tears broke free. "Do you know what the sad thing about this is? Even now, I would take you back, no questions asked, because I love you and I want to be with you. I don't CARE what the world thinks about who I date - that falls under the category of 'personal life', and if the world and the colonies can't handle the fact that I need some privacy, then I don't want the job.  
  
"I just want you, Heero," Relena finished, trying to stifle the sobs that were threatening to erupt from her throat. With a cry she turned, fleeing down the street. About to give chase, Heero paused when Trowa stopped him for the second time that night.  
  
"I'll get her. You go back and report to Zechs that everything's fine."  
  
About to protest, the words died on Heero's lips as Duo spoke.  
  
"He's right, Heero. Right now the two of you are wound so tight you're more likely to snap than make up. Give both of you a couple of days, then talk. Problems tend to unknot themselves if you give them time and patience."  
  
Nodding in agreement, Heero turned and began walking away. Stopping next to the gawking Evan, he held his hand out.  
  
"Sorry about that. I flew off the handle, and I...apologize for it."  
  
Evan stared, a smile breaking across his face.  
  
"No problem man, I understand completely. If I had a girl like that, I'd do crazy things too."  
  
*********************************************  
  
  
Trowa found Relena huddled next to his car, crouched as if she could hide from the world. Squatting next to her, he put a hand under her chin, gently raising her head to look at him. The tears had all ready made a mess of her make-up, smearing eyeliner and mascara down the sides of her face and below her eyes. Her nose was pink, her cheeks splotched from crying.  
  
"What would you do if you were me, Trowa?" Relena asked quietly, trying to find a way to work through her problems.  
  
One eyebrow raised at the question, Trowa thought for a moment.  
  
"If I were you? I'd go home and go to bed, because you are going to have one major hang-over in the morning," he stated, a smile peeking through.   
  
With a half sob, half laugh, Relena threw herself into his arms, enjoying the simple luxury of having someone hold her again. Returning the hug, Trowa missed part of her sentence.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"I said," and here she pulled back a bit, "that I'm glad I've got you for a friend, Trowa."  
  
He smiled at that, then pulled her to her feet.  
  
"Come on, let's get you home."  
  
**********************************************  
  
  
By the time they arrived at the Peacecraft mansion, Relena had fallen asleep, leaving Trowa with the options of either waking her up, or simply carrying her into the house. Only a single light peeked through the drawn curtains, but he knew that both Zechs and Noin had waited up.  
  
Deciding to save Relena, at least for a few hours, from another argument, Trowa opened the passenger side door, hoisting the sleeping woman into his arms. He had barely passed under the portico when the front door opened, revealing a tired Noin.   
  
"Do you mind taking her up to her bedroom?" Noin whispered.  
  
Shaking his head, Trowa quietly paced across the foyer, mounting the steps that lead to the second floor. Minutes later found him trying to pry Relena's hands from around his neck. Rolling his eyes, he simply placed her on the waiting bed, slipping his head underneath her arms. As he covered her, a name escaped from whatever dream world Morpheus had sent her to.  
  
"Heero..."  
  
Pausing, Trowa reached over to snag the worn teddy bear sitting on the dresser, placing it in the waiting arms of the sleeping girl.  
  
****************************************  
  
  
Duo searched the grounds about his house, determined to find Heero and make him talk. After the events of last night, Heero was going to face up to his feelings and act on them, if Duo had to pull the strings himself.  
  
His prey gave itself away, the sounds of muffled splashing filtering through the trees. Clearing the edge of the forest, Duo found himself at the pond, with Heero's back to him.  
  
  
  
******************************  
  
  
Relena stared at the figure that had materialized in front of her, unable to believe that her imagination had not simply conjured this vision into being. Her thoughts of the past three days haunted her, distracting her to the point of insanity. She must stop thinking of him, she must. Moving to pass the vision before her, her breath caught her arm brushed against his sleeve.  
  
Stopping, Relena looked down at their touching arms, her head slowly rising to lock gazes with his.  
  
"You're real," she breathed.  
  
Heero nodded, the unexpected lump in his throat constricting his breathing. It had taken so much courage to scale the wall to her private balcony, the memories of doing the exact same thing many times haunting him with every handhold he found.  
  
"Can we talk?" he asked gruffly, trying to disguise the tremor that threatened to show in his voice.  
  
Mute, Relena beckoned him to follow her, leading them through her bedroom to her balcony. She moved to stand by the rail, leaning her elbows on the dark metal, gazing at the night sky. Heero mimicked her, only the smallest of distances separating them.   
  
Breathing deeply, Heero noticed for the first time how the flowers in underneath Relena's balcony lent a subtle scent to the air. It was...peaceful, calming.  
  
"The flowers," Heero mused aloud, "smell beautiful. I just noticed that."  
  
Relena's eyes flickered to look at him, taking in the tense set of his body, of the long fingers that reached out to caress a stray ivy leaf that had crept unnoticed over the balcony railing.  
  
Taking the simple phrase as a peace offering, Relena nodded in agreement.  
  
"I know. That's why I planted them, sort of as a way to relax after a stressful day."  
  
Silence lasped between the couple once more, each lost to their own private memories. The night began to wear on, fireflies rising from their daytime slumber to illuminate the night sky.   
  
"Relena."  
  
For one moment, Relena had completely forgotten that anything was wrong between them. Talking had never been necessary in their relationship. The peaceful night had lulled her into feeling at ease with the world around her. Heero's voice saying her name had bought that false security crashing down.  
  
"...yes?"  
  
As she turned towards him, Heero found himself unable to tear his gaze away from her. The moon, almost full, had turned her eyes a silvery color, giving her an inhuman appearance.  
  
"Where did you learn to dance like that?"  
  
The question was so unexpected Relena stuttered.  
  
"I, wha...I...well, a bunch of people actually," she finally spat out, going on to list her cohorts.  
  
"Well, it all started with Duo and Hilde, then I kept tripping on Duo, so he suggested Trowa, who had Catherine show me some other things, and then Evan saw me dancing, and well..."  
  
"You were having a rough day and decided to go out," Heero finished for her.  
  
"Yes, that's about it."  
  
A lighter silence fell this time, especially to Relena. Milliardo had finally calmed down and listened, and had actually taken the thought of future trips quite well, as long as someone he 'trusted' went along. Heero was taking this extremely well too...but then, it wasn't his concern anymore. Was it?  
  
"Do you think I could go along next time?"  
  
Relena's mouth almost fell open. Never in a million years had she expected Heero to ask that question. Turning to look at him, she tried to catch his eyes, but he refused to look at her, instead gazing at the stars.  
  
"You're welcome to go with us anytime, Heero," she finally settled on, still amazed at his request.  
  
Relena glanced upwards in time to see a star streaking across the velvet sky.  
  
"Heero, look," she breathed, "a shooting star. Quick, make a wish."  
  
Puzzled, Heero looked up as well, then frowned in concentration. Seconds passed before he finally turned to look at the woman beside him.  
  
"Did you wish?"  
  
Relena nodded absently, staring into the night.  
  
"Yes, I did. I have so many wishes though...I'm always afraid that I'll wish for the wrong thing."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, should I wish for my stereotypical thing? Ask for a world peace that will last? Should I wish for my friends to be healthy and happy and always stay close? Or should I wish for myself? Except then I don't know what I should wish for...it's complicated."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"I'm not sure what I want for myself. I mean, I want a family and friends and a loved one, but then I have childish wishes too."  
  
"Like?"  
  
"Like having the other Ministers and diplomats function without me holding their collective hands. Like going to college, or having a private life where I am simply Relena Darlain," she cried vehemently, clenching the balcony railing.  
  
Heero moved to cover her hands, gently prying them off. The desire in her voice for all of those things moved him to envelope her in a tight embrace, cradling her head with one gentle hand.  
  
"Then do it, do all those things. Tell your aides and the other Ministers that you're taking a sabbitical. If they push, tell them it's to better understand the way the human race thinks. I'm sure you'll come up with some flowery speech that will have them donating money to your cause," smiling down at her, Heero tweaked her nose.  
  
Relena couldn't help the smile that broke out.  
  
"There it is. I knew it was hiding in there somewhere."  
  
Relena shook her head, smiling even more at his teasing expression.  
  
"Duo didn't get you drunk and put you up to this?"  
  
Heero shook his head.  
  
"No, he just knocked some sense into me."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"I finally broke down and actually listened to his ramblings. Surprisingly, he has good points if you can stand the chatter."  
  
"Ah."  
  
Heero began to slowly play with individual strands of Relena's hair, twisting and twining the honeyed locks about his fingers.  
  
"Relena, I...well, I've been thinking about what I said several weeks ago. I've always said to act on your emotions, and that's exactly what I did. That isn't an excuse though," he interjected. "I was so AFRAID that what Zechs said was true that I to push you away so that you could discover...so that I could discover...if losing you would truly kill me.  
  
"It did," Heero finished softly, bowing his head to rest against the crown of Relena's head.  
  
"You've always been in my life, so of course it killed me when you pushed me away. Even when I couldn't see you, I FELT that you were there supporting me. Then my support fell away, and I was so afraid that I'd never have that feeling again," Relena sobbed, crushing the material of his shirt in a tight fist.  
  
"I...ah, Relena, no tears, please. The princesses are never supposed to cry. Especially if they have a happy ending," Heero soothed, rubbing light circles across her back.  
  
Relena snuffled a bit, looking up at Heero with shimmering blue eyes.  
  
"Happy ending? Where's the happy ending at?"  
  
"That's what I came to talk about. I've been thinking about that, and about our relationship. We just jumped into it. We knew each other before that, but we didn't really KNOW each other. I've been thinking that perhaps we should take the time to get to know each other better. Then perhaps give 'us' another chance?"  
  
Relena thought for a moment, nodding slowly in agreement.  
  
"Yes, I think that would be a good idea."  
  
Pulling back, she stuck out her hand.  
  
"Hi, I'm Relena Darlian. Nice to meet you."  
  
Heero smiled, the corner of his eyes crinkling with the motion. Sticking out his hand, he firmly grasped hers, holding it tight as he spoke.  
  
"Heero Yuy. It's a pleasure."  
  



End file.
